Maharishi Vatsyayan has stated in his magnum opus "Kamasutra" that ....Sex is:
"Duty", if done with your Wife.
"Art", if done with your Lover.
"Education", if done with a Virgin.
"Business Transaction", if done with a Prostitute.
"Social Work", if done with a Divorcee.
"Charity", if done with a Widow and
"Meditative Trance", if done by yourself.
So Stop feeling guilty, which ever it may be.......... and JUST DO IT!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
What do women do all day?
This one goes out for all the housewives with kids at home.
A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and 20 wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, and so the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, break fast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife.. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.
As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys thrown over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and tooth paste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went..
He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?"
"Yes," was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it..."
A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and 20 wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, and so the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, break fast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife.. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.
As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys thrown over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and tooth paste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went..
He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?"
"Yes," was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it..."
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Cheating Store Owner
A man went into a store and began looking around. He saw a washer and dryer, but there was no price listed on them. He asked the sales person “How much are the washer and dryer?”
“Five dollars for both of them,” the salesman said.
“Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!” the man replied sarcastically.
“No, that’s the price,” the salesman said, “Do you want to buy them or not?”
“Yeah, I’ll take them!” the customer responded.
He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and sub woofers. “How much?” he asked.
“Five dollars for the system,” the salesman answered.
“Is it stolen?” the guy asks.
“No,” said the salesman, “It’s brand new, do you want it or not?”
“Sure,” the customer replied. He looked around some more.
Next he found a top of the line computer with printer and monitor. “How much?”
“Five dollars,” was the familiar response.
“I'll take that too!” the man said.
As the salesperson is ringing up the purchases, the man asked him, “Why are your prices so cheap?”
The salesman said, “Well, the owner of the store is at my house right now with my wife. What he’s doing to her, I'm doing to his business!”
“Five dollars for both of them,” the salesman said.
“Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!” the man replied sarcastically.
“No, that’s the price,” the salesman said, “Do you want to buy them or not?”
“Yeah, I’ll take them!” the customer responded.
He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and sub woofers. “How much?” he asked.
“Five dollars for the system,” the salesman answered.
“Is it stolen?” the guy asks.
“No,” said the salesman, “It’s brand new, do you want it or not?”
“Sure,” the customer replied. He looked around some more.
Next he found a top of the line computer with printer and monitor. “How much?”
“Five dollars,” was the familiar response.
“I'll take that too!” the man said.
As the salesperson is ringing up the purchases, the man asked him, “Why are your prices so cheap?”
The salesman said, “Well, the owner of the store is at my house right now with my wife. What he’s doing to her, I'm doing to his business!”
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Know where you're going in life
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican fishing village.
A tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.
" Not very long." they answered in unison.
"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"
The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families.
"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take siestas with our wives. In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs.
We have a full life."
The tourist interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard ( real corporate types)and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."
"And after that?"
"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant.
You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City , Los Angeles , or even New York City !
From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."
"How long would that take?"
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist.
"And after that?"
"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting, " answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fishermen.
"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."
"With all due respect sir, but that's exactly what we are doing now. So what's the point wasting twenty-five years?" asked the Mexicans.
and the moral of this story is:
Know where you're going in life.... you may already be there.
A tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.
" Not very long." they answered in unison.
"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"
The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families.
"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take siestas with our wives. In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs.
We have a full life."
The tourist interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard ( real corporate types)and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."
"And after that?"
"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant.
You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City , Los Angeles , or even New York City !
From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."
"How long would that take?"
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist.
"And after that?"
"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting, " answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fishermen.
"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."
"With all due respect sir, but that's exactly what we are doing now. So what's the point wasting twenty-five years?" asked the Mexicans.
and the moral of this story is:
Know where you're going in life.... you may already be there.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Some interesting history
Mark Twain was a popular American author who wrote such books as the Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. Mark Twain was born on the day of the appearance of Halley's Comet in 1835, and died on the day of its next appearance in 1910. He himself predicted this in 1909, when he said: "I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it."
Lincoln and J F Kennedy, both US presidents had 7 letters in their last name. Both were over 6' feet tall. Both men studied law. Both presidents were named after their grandfathers. Both were born second children. Both presidents were shot in the head, on a Friday. Both were seated beside their wives when shot. Neither Mrs. Lincoln nor Mrs. Kennedy was injured. Both wives held the bullet-torn heads of their husbands.
Lincoln and J F Kennedy, both US presidents had 7 letters in their last name. Both were over 6' feet tall. Both men studied law. Both presidents were named after their grandfathers. Both were born second children. Both presidents were shot in the head, on a Friday. Both were seated beside their wives when shot. Neither Mrs. Lincoln nor Mrs. Kennedy was injured. Both wives held the bullet-torn heads of their husbands.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
1 line humours !!
[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something
[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!
[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something
[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!
[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Do you know the meaning of WIFE
Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.It means...Without Information Fighting Everytime!WIFE says...No, it means - With Idiot for Ever
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Prince Charles removing shoes of Camilla Parker-Bowles
Camilla bought new shoes for her wedding. During the big day they became increasingly tighter as the day went on.
That night, she flopped on the bed and said,"Charles,please remove my shoes,my feet are killing me!" He attacked her right shoe with vigour,but it would not budge..
"Harder!" yelled Camilla, "Harder"."I'm trying, But it's just so bloody tight!" "Come on! Give it all you've got!"Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed, "There! Oh, God, that feels so good!".
In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip,"See! I told you with a face like that, she had to be a virgin!"
Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Oh, God, darling! This one's even tighter!".
At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, "That's my boy! He served in the Navy: once a Rear Admiral, always a Rear Admiral!"
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