Daddy plays Piano in a House of Prostitution

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amy?"

Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."

Thank you, Amy," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"

Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a house of prostitution."

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation. Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

Four Sophomores at Duke University taking Organic Chemistry

At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They did so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester.

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to drive up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends up there. They had a great time ... however, after all the hardy-partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points, something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room, "this is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and then turned the page.

On the second page was written (for 95 points): "Which tire?"

Neil Armstrong and Mr Gorsky

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual talk between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he reentered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter popped the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball, which landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom window. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Sex! You want sex?! You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

Police officer at Rowdy Bar

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
In the meantime, everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was ready for him, and quickly pulled him over. After stopping the driver, the officer read him his rights and administered a Breathalyzer test.
The results showed a reading of 0.0%.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."

Not Long enough

A woman was helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to choose and enter a password. Something he will use to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in "p..e..n..i..s."
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***

Don't poke me, bro! Facebook "poke" leads to arrest

Why do stories like this continue to surprise me?
Just when I think I've seen it all online comes a tale like the one of Tennessee's Sharon D. Jackson, who was arrested last month. Her crime? Sending a "poke" to another woman via the Facebook social network.
In my experience, few people really ever use the "poke" feature. ABC News calls it the "digital equivalent of waving at someone from across a crowded room." Others would call it the online version of a "what's up?" text message.
Either way it's an awfully harmless little feature... unless, it seems, you have a restraining order filed against you preventing you from contacting the person you poked.
It's unclear why the victim of the poke, Dana M. Hannah, has a restraining order against Jackson, but as of June, Jackson had been prohibited from "telephoning, contacting or otherwise communicating with the petitioner, directly or indirectly." It's equally unclear why Jackson poked Hannah -- or whether someone else did the poking in question under her guise -- as well as whether a poke constitutes either contact or communication.
Either way she's now in custody, as Jackson's lawyer tries "to get my hands on some Facebook documentation so we can better assess the situation." If convicted, violation of the earlier restraining order could net Jackson nearly a year in jail.
Important lessons here, folks. If you've been stalking someone to the point where they seek a legal remedy to keep you away from them, it's probably not a good idea to interact with them in any way online -- even with an innocent "poke." In fact, you might consider de-friending them on Facebook altogether to avoid the temptation.

The Great Indian Magic

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One from Bangladesh, another from India and the third, from China. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil."Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says,"I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."
"Done!" Replies the official.

Politics Explained The Kids Way

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

Gujju at Heathrow airport

At Heathrow airport, an announcement goes out over the Public Address System: "Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas ! Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas - please report to Reception".

Ranchhodbhai Karsandas, who has just arrived ex Surat, goes red with anger. He goes to the reception, and shouts loudly to the English receptionist.

The following conversation must go into history books of cock-ups:

Ranchhodbhai: "Madar Chod ! I am Ranchhod........"

Receptionist: "Mr. Madar Chod Rand Chod ? Sir, that is not the name I have here.. I have Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas........."

Ranchhodbhai: "Arrey Bhenchod, I am NOT Madar chod !!!"

Receptionist: "So are you Mr. R.A. Ben or Mr. R.A. Chod ? Is your surname Ben or Chod ?"

Ranchhodbhai: (now really really pissed) "Chootia taari ! I am Ranchhod........"

Receptionist: "Excellent sir, so who is Chootia Tari then ???"

Whenupon a Chinese guy turns up at the Reception and says: "Were you calling me ?"

Receptionist: "Who are you?"

Chinese Guy: "I am Choo Tia....."

Whereupon Ranchhodbhai decides to fly back to Surat!!!

Smart Dog

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.

So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here." Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me." Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.

But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine." Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet ... and, just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says..................

"Where's that darn monkey? Sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

Cars name and what they mean

AUDI
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

BMW
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
Bimbette Motor Weapon
Break My Window

BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer

CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology

DODGE
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere
Dead or Dying Gas Eater
Dear Old Dad's Geriatric Express

FIAT
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
Fix it again, Tony!

FORD
First On Recall Day
First On Race Day
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fault Of R & D
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Features O.J. and Ron's DNA
Found On Russian Dump

GM
General Maintenance
Great Mistake

GMC
Garage Man's Companion
Got A Mechanic Coming?

HONDA
Had One Never Did Again

HYUNDAI
Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive...

MAZDA
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

OLDSMOBILE
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everywhere
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover
Equipment

PINTO
Put in new transmission often

PONTIAC
Poor old Neanderthal thinks its a Cadillac

SAAB
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
Sorry Assed Auto Builders

TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
Vehicles Of Low Velocity Owners

VW
Virtually Worthless

TATA Sky sucks

I am a suscriber of TATA Sky and have been facing problems with the set top box for past 48hrs now. Everytime I call up their service center at 6006633 all I get to hear is that my complaint will be attended to within 3 hrs and a service executive will call for confirming the time to visit. As I post this blog, their senior support tells me that executive will call in 10minutes to confirm the time.

The call reference number is 1-4979374865, just to let the PR guys of TATA SKY know that I have taken enough pains to get my complaint resolved but without any significant results.

Life is really Jinelala witj TATASKY.

Outsourcing the American Presidency to India

Washington, DC, July 5, 2009 12:00 PM -- Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of March 1, 2008. The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead that his office has incurred during the last 5 years. It is anticipated that $231 billion can be saved to the end of the President's term. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.

Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai , India will assume the office of President as of September 1, 2007. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President." A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem as President Bush had never been familiar with the issues either.

Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for years, with the result that some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his lifetime. A greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.

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Cricket's future in Pakistan in jeopardy

Santa Banta looking at Egyptian mummy

Santa and Banta were looking at Egyptian mummy.

Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.

Banta: Aaho, lorry number is also written… BC 1760 !!!

People who make no mistakes

People who do lots of work…make lots of mistakes,

People who do less work…make less mistakes,

People who do no work…make no mistakes,

People who make no mistakes…get promoted.