Not Long enough

A woman was helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to choose and enter a password. Something he will use to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in "p..e..n..i..s."
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***

Don't poke me, bro! Facebook "poke" leads to arrest

Why do stories like this continue to surprise me?
Just when I think I've seen it all online comes a tale like the one of Tennessee's Sharon D. Jackson, who was arrested last month. Her crime? Sending a "poke" to another woman via the Facebook social network.
In my experience, few people really ever use the "poke" feature. ABC News calls it the "digital equivalent of waving at someone from across a crowded room." Others would call it the online version of a "what's up?" text message.
Either way it's an awfully harmless little feature... unless, it seems, you have a restraining order filed against you preventing you from contacting the person you poked.
It's unclear why the victim of the poke, Dana M. Hannah, has a restraining order against Jackson, but as of June, Jackson had been prohibited from "telephoning, contacting or otherwise communicating with the petitioner, directly or indirectly." It's equally unclear why Jackson poked Hannah -- or whether someone else did the poking in question under her guise -- as well as whether a poke constitutes either contact or communication.
Either way she's now in custody, as Jackson's lawyer tries "to get my hands on some Facebook documentation so we can better assess the situation." If convicted, violation of the earlier restraining order could net Jackson nearly a year in jail.
Important lessons here, folks. If you've been stalking someone to the point where they seek a legal remedy to keep you away from them, it's probably not a good idea to interact with them in any way online -- even with an innocent "poke." In fact, you might consider de-friending them on Facebook altogether to avoid the temptation.

The Great Indian Magic

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One from Bangladesh, another from India and the third, from China. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil."Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says,"I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."
"Done!" Replies the official.

Politics Explained The Kids Way

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

Gujju at Heathrow airport

At Heathrow airport, an announcement goes out over the Public Address System: "Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas ! Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas - please report to Reception".

Ranchhodbhai Karsandas, who has just arrived ex Surat, goes red with anger. He goes to the reception, and shouts loudly to the English receptionist.

The following conversation must go into history books of cock-ups:

Ranchhodbhai: "Madar Chod ! I am Ranchhod........"

Receptionist: "Mr. Madar Chod Rand Chod ? Sir, that is not the name I have here.. I have Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas........."

Ranchhodbhai: "Arrey Bhenchod, I am NOT Madar chod !!!"

Receptionist: "So are you Mr. R.A. Ben or Mr. R.A. Chod ? Is your surname Ben or Chod ?"

Ranchhodbhai: (now really really pissed) "Chootia taari ! I am Ranchhod........"

Receptionist: "Excellent sir, so who is Chootia Tari then ???"

Whenupon a Chinese guy turns up at the Reception and says: "Were you calling me ?"

Receptionist: "Who are you?"

Chinese Guy: "I am Choo Tia....."

Whereupon Ranchhodbhai decides to fly back to Surat!!!

Smart Dog

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.

So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here." Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me." Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.

But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine." Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet ... and, just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says..................

"Where's that darn monkey? Sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."